Well Firstly Hello again
It has been a few months since I last posted (4 months to be exact) and they have been the most craziest of months, I have wanted to post this for a long time but could never really think of the right things to say.
It's easy to make a video and share with everyone the happenings in your life but to write a whole blog post without seeming to go on and on is hard, but this post is an important one and I want to raise awareness that bloggers are a victim to Domestic Abuse also.
I was in an abusive relationship, there I said it!
You always read these types of stories and think to yourself that would never be me, 'how could someone put up with that' or 'If a guy ever laid his hand on me he would be out the door', I was was one of those people.
When I first met my ex partner he was my childhood best friend, so when we met up years later I thought I knew him because of this, he had his faults straight away but I put them to the side because I thought I knew this man.
I know now that if I hadn't of been friends with him first he wouldn't of been the type or person I would of usually been interested in, and no I'm not shallow, it's just I go for someone like myself who is employed doesn't do drugs and looks after them selves, I basically just described his situation when I first met him, bet you're screaming at the web page right now, right!
Like how these stories usually go things started off pretty great, he was lovely to me, he made me feel like the most important person in the world and money was not a problem, I have never been the type of girl that likes being bought nice fancy things and I have never expected them either.
It was love at first sight and things moved very quickly, I Love You was said pretty much straight away and we used to talk about the future, those short few months of happiness were the greatest and I never expected things to turn out the way they did.
A lost phone charger, that's all it took for him to turn, my house my fault, I answered back when he told me to find it and I ended up being thrown across my bedroom and kicked while I was down, this was the end!
But it wasn't, we split up but I missed and Loved him so much that I begged him back, yes me! I begged him back even though I was the one with the bruises.
That was the first incident and not the last, I still went on ahead and moved in with him, but this made him feel like he had power over me, I had no where to go, I was his and he could do what ever he wanted to me.
I changed, I withdrew in to myself, became a recluse stopped seeing my friends and suffered with really bad anxiety but because I was so blinded by what I thought was 'Love' I didn't know these were the reasons for my unhappiness.
It got so bad that on a few occasions I thought he might of killed me, he sat on top of me after throwing me to the floor and put his hands around my throat, I ended up with carpet burn on my chest and a black eye where he smacked my laptop in to my face.
I took these photo's because I hoped I would have the courage to do something about it one day, I once called the police and they took him away, he spent a night in the cell's and he broke up with me, but once again I felt so bad I begged him back.
He called me crazy and psycho and that I deserved everything he did to me and I believed him, he told me that no other man would want me, after hearing these things over and over again you just believe that they must be true and that you could do no better.
He was brainwashing me to stay with him, and the abuse carried on, the police were called again when my neighbour could hear me screaming, I stuck up for him and told them it was nothing, I had been abused for so long I started making up excuses for him and for my bruises.
'Oh must of knocked in to something' or 'I don't know how that got there, keep coming out in bruises lately'
I started wearing cardigans all the time or long sleeved tops, my weight spiralled out of control over the years we were together, comfort eating and such, I felt worthless, ugly and fat.
He had no shame, In the end I told my Dad some of the things that had been happening and he asked him if he had kicked me, he didn't deny it and told my Dad I deserved it for not speaking to him with respect, let's just say my Dad despised him and kept begging me to leave him, but I just couldn't I didn't think I had anywhere to go or no one would want me again.
So what changed? How did I leave?
I had had enough of feeling rubbish about myself so I started going back to the gym and eating better, and the weight started to come off, I started feeling happier about myself and I even got attention from a guy at work, nothing happened with this guy but it made me realise I could do better and I told my ex I needed a break, he didn't give me much of a break as he kept asking for a decision but I managed to sort out living arrangements and made the final push and left.
Life has been a roller coaster and even though my life is so much better now and definitely on the up-side, there are still a few things that are holding me back because of him.
So for anyone reading this who is in a similar situation as I was, please don't give up and put up with it, I thought I would never be able to get out of it but I did and I am happy again, honestly truly happy, which is a feeling I never thought I would feel again, sort out arrangements before making any big decisions so you know you have somewhere to go, there is always a solution and even though it might seem like the most horrible way it will be the best decision you could ever make!
You can see in the first picture how dead I am in the eye's the smile is false, the picture on the right is me now, so much happier and healthier!
Facts about Domestic Abuse:
- 2 women are killed every week in the UK by a current or former partner
- 1 in 4 women in England and Wales will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes and 8% will suffer domestic violence in any given year(Crime Survey of England and Wales, 2013/14)
- Globally, 1 in 3 women will experience violence at the hands of a male partner (State of the World’s Fathers Report, MenCare, 2015)
- Domestic violence has a higher rate of repeat victimisation than any other crime (Home Office, July 2002)
- Every minute police in the UK receive a domestic assistance call – yet only 35% of domestic violence incidents are reported to the police (Stanko, 2000 & Home Office, 2002)
- The 2001/02 British Crime Survey (BCS) found that there were an estimated 635,000 incidents of domestic violence in England and Wales. 81% of the victims were women and 19% were men. Domestic violence incidents also made up nearly 22% of all violent incidents reported by participants in the BCS (Home Office, July 2002)
- On average, a woman is assaulted 35 times before her first call to the police (Jaffe, 1982)
There are advice lines you can call if you need someone to talk to:
0808 2000 247
Websites you can visit:
Remember you're not alone Domestic Violence happens to Men and Women all over the world, you just need to speak out!
I hope me doing so has helped you!
Please help share my story maybe we can help someone else!