18/08/2016

Domestic Abuse | It Happens To Bloggers To




Well Firstly Hello again

It has been a few months since I last posted (4 months to be exact) and they have been the most craziest of months, I have wanted to post this for a long time but could never really think of the right things to say.

It's easy to make a video and share with everyone the happenings in your life but to write a whole blog post without seeming to go on and on is hard, but this post is an important one and I want to raise awareness that bloggers are a victim to Domestic Abuse also.

I was in an abusive relationship, there I said it!

You always read these types of stories and think to yourself that would never be me, 'how could someone put up with that' or 'If a guy ever laid his hand on me he would be out the door', I was was one of those people.

When I first met my ex partner he was my childhood best friend, so when we met up years later I thought I knew him because of this, he had his faults straight away but I put them to the side because I thought I knew this man.

I know now that if I hadn't of been friends with him first he wouldn't of been the type or person I would of usually been interested in, and no I'm not shallow, it's just I go for someone like myself who is employed doesn't do drugs and looks after them selves, I basically just described his situation when I first met him, bet you're screaming at the web page right now, right!

Like how these stories usually go things started off pretty great, he was lovely to me, he made me feel like the most important person in the world and money was not a problem, I have never been the type of girl that likes being bought nice fancy things and I have never expected them either.

It was love at first sight and things moved very quickly, I Love You was said pretty much straight away and we used to talk about the future, those short few months of happiness were the greatest and I never expected things to turn out the way they did.

A lost phone charger, that's all it took for him to turn, my house my fault, I answered back when he told me to find it and I ended up being thrown across my bedroom and kicked while I was down, this was the end! 

But it wasn't, we split up but I missed and Loved him so much that I begged him back, yes me! I begged him back even though I was the one with the bruises.

That was the first incident and not the last, I still went on ahead and moved in with him, but this made him feel like he had power over me, I had no where to go, I was his and he could do what ever he wanted to me.

I changed, I withdrew in to myself, became a recluse stopped seeing my friends and suffered with really bad anxiety but because I was so blinded by what I thought was 'Love' I didn't know these were the reasons for my unhappiness.

It got so bad that on a few occasions I thought he might of killed me, he sat on top of me after throwing me to the floor and put his hands around my throat, I ended up with carpet burn on my chest and a black eye where he smacked my laptop in to my face.


I took these photo's because I hoped I would have the courage to do something about it one day, I once called the police and they took him away, he spent a night in the cell's and he broke up with me, but once again I felt so bad I begged him back.

He called me crazy and psycho and that I deserved everything he did to me and I believed him, he told me that no other man would want me, after hearing these things over and over again you just believe that they must be true and that you could do no better.

He was brainwashing me to stay with him, and the abuse carried on, the police were called again when my neighbour could hear me screaming, I stuck up for him and told them it was nothing, I had been abused for so long I started making up excuses for him and for my bruises.

'Oh must of knocked in to something' or 'I don't know how that got there, keep coming out in bruises lately' 

I started wearing cardigans all the time or long sleeved tops, my weight spiralled out of control over the years we were together, comfort eating and such, I felt worthless, ugly and fat.

He had no shame, In the end I told my Dad some of the things that had been happening and he asked him if he had kicked me, he didn't deny it and told my Dad I deserved it for not speaking to him with respect, let's just say my Dad despised him and kept begging me to leave him, but I just couldn't I didn't think I had anywhere to go or no one would want me again.

So what changed? How did I leave?

I had had enough of feeling rubbish about myself so I started going back to the gym and eating better, and the weight started to come off, I started feeling happier about myself and I even got attention from a guy at work, nothing happened with this guy but it made me realise I could do better and I told my ex I needed a break, he didn't give me much of a break as he kept asking for a decision but I managed to sort out living arrangements and made the final push and left.

Life has been a roller coaster and even though my life is so much better now and definitely on the up-side, there are still a few things that are holding me back because of him.

So for anyone reading this who is in a similar situation as I was, please don't give up and put up with it, I thought I would never be able to get out of it but I did and I am happy again, honestly truly happy, which is a feeling I never thought I would feel again, sort out arrangements before making any big decisions so you know you have somewhere to go, there is always a solution and even though it might seem like the most horrible way it will be the best decision you could ever make!




You can see in the first picture how dead I am in the eye's the smile is false, the picture on the right is me now, so much happier and healthier! 

Facts about Domestic Abuse:

  • 2 women are killed every week in the UK by a current or former partner

  • 1 in 4 women in England and Wales will experience domestic violence in their lifetimes and 8% will suffer domestic violence in any given year(Crime Survey of England and Wales, 2013/14)

  • Globally, 1 in 3 women will experience violence at the hands of a male partner (State of the World’s Fathers Report, MenCare, 2015)

  • Domestic violence has a higher rate of repeat victimisation than any other crime (Home Office, July 2002)

  • Every minute police in the UK receive a domestic assistance call – yet only 35% of domestic violence incidents are reported to the police (Stanko, 2000 & Home Office, 2002)

  • The 2001/02 British Crime Survey (BCS) found that there were an estimated 635,000 incidents of domestic violence in England and Wales. 81% of the victims were women and 19% were men. Domestic violence incidents also made up nearly 22% of all violent incidents reported by participants in the BCS (Home Office, July 2002)

  • On average, a woman is assaulted 35 times before her first call to the police (Jaffe, 1982)


There are advice lines you can call if you need someone to talk to:



0808 2000 247


116 123

Websites you can visit:







Remember you're not alone Domestic Violence happens to Men and Women all over the world, you just need to speak out!

I hope me doing so has helped you!

Please help share my story maybe we can help someone else!


45 comments:

  1. You look absolutely stunning! You should wear pink more often!

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    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DIVORCE AND MARITAL BREAKTHROUGH

      It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman castes a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. i was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, when i called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact a great powerful spell caster called Dr. Ugo Wonders living in Florida. i contacted Dr. Ugo and explained my problems, he assured me his help and it was 100% guaranteed. i provided the materials for the spell and in 48 hours, after Dr Ugo Wonders of generalspelltemple@gmail.com finished casting the spell, my husband was free from the evil woman spell and he came back home to us a day after begging us to forgive him. i was so shocked and short of words and here i am today happily testifying so the world can know how this great man helped me with his real powerful spell.
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      DIVORCE AND MARITAL BREAKTHROUGH

      It all started when my husband cheated on me with another woman unknowing to him that the woman is a wizard, the woman castes a spell on my husband which made my husband change his feelings towards me and the kids and broke our 6 years marriage. i was confused and stressed because of the pains of being a single mother, when i called a friend and explained my marital challenges to her, she instructed and directed me to contact a great powerful spell caster called Dr. Ugo Wonders living in Florida. i contacted Dr. Ugo and explained my problems, he assured me his help and it was 100% guaranteed. i provided the materials for the spell and in 48 hours, after Dr Ugo Wonders of generalspelltemple@gmail.com finished casting the spell, my husband was free from the evil woman spell and he came back home to us a day after begging us to forgive him. i was so shocked and short of words and here i am today happily testifying so the world can know how this great man helped me with his real powerful spell.
      To every one with marital problem, divorce issues, lost lover or any relationship related issues, you can contact Dr. Ugo wonders the ultimate spell caster via his email address generalspelltemple@gmail.com or call his mobile number directly on +13863369876

      http://generalspelltempleblog.wordpress.com

      Delete
  2. I can imagine this would be quite a hard post to write, but i'm so happy you did. Its important for people to speak up. I'm so glad you're happy now and your smile is beautiful.

    <3
    perfectfixations.blogspot.co.uk

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  3. I'm so sorry to hear you had to go through this Meme, you should be proud of yourself for walking away. Not many people could do it, I'm so glad you're feeling happy now and thank you for spreading awareness xx

    Hannah | Oh January

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  5. I was also in an abusive relationship, but it was only emotional violence. He wasn't like that at first, he told me that it was just a "phase" (that lasted one year, interesting), but a phase or not, I wouldn't stand that type of treating anymore so I left; he told me he would change, but he could go back to it anytime he had the same stress and I was not going to put myself into that risk, I am worth much more than that. Recently we started talking again from time to time, making clear that we were never going back together; we are much better friends than a couple. Any kind of violence is unforgivable, and I think it's something many of us realize later than sooner, just because we are taught that love is unconditional and that you have to stand the worst of your partner, doesn't matter what. Ummm, nope. I'm so glad you left, as someone who has been in a similar situation I understand how you feel, you realize that you were always complete and didn't ever need "that other half". I am so happy with myself now, I don't even think I'm going to have a boyfriend in many years and I'm completely okay with that, it even excites me to get to know myself better and to give myself all the attention, and I hope you are feeling the same. Great, empowering post, I know it will help anyone that is in this situation, you are a brave and strong woman, never give up and never think someone is better than you, don't lose sight on how valuable you are <3

    Cy | Dulce de Mango

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  6. Wow. I'm so very glad you shared your story, you're very brave for doing so. And I'm so sad you had to go through this experience, it's something no-one should have in their lives. It's great to know you're happy now and out of that relationship, you don't deserve any of that! :(

    Lipstick and Mocha

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  7. I am so glad you were able to break free! Thank you for posting this! It is so brave of you
    xo
    www.laurajaneatelier.com

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  8. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Thank you so much for speaking out, for raising awareness and for standing up to your abuser. You are so strong and brave to write your experience on the blog. I am so proud of you. As someone who has been abused before, and an advocate for stopping domestic abuse, I think we should talk about it anyway we can to provide more insight. I'm so happy you're happy. And I hope these past few months will be what it is now, the past.

    xx   BASH   |   go   say     H E Y   B A S H

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  9. great post, thanx for sharing
    http://carrieslifestyle.com

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  10. Thanks my dear!

    OMG, so sad new :( I appolagize this time of your story!
    You're super stronger <3 Keep it up!

    NEW GET THE LOOK POST | Kendall Jenner: Low Cost Trendy Look.
    InstagramFacebook Oficial PageMiguel Gouveia / Blog Pieces Of Me :D

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  11. What a brave blog post to write, thank you for sharing your story and hopefully it will inspire others too.
    Have a lovely weekend :)
    Rosanna x
    Rose's Rooftop

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  12. I'm so sorry to hear you had such a bad experience :( you're so brave and you decided to talk about it, which I'm sure is not that easy. Hopefully, this can help someone who needs it. I'm glad you're happy now and I can only wish it stays that way! xx

    fashionabejita.blogspot.com

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  13. Mi piace da morire il look che proponi nella decima foto, la t-shirt bianca con scritta e la gonnellina scura con stampa (e accessori, ovviamente) ** semplice e delizioso!
    E la foto sotto fa subito pranzo estivo, che meravigliaaaa!


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  14. This was so upsetting to read, but very important of you to share! People like you who share things like this really help so many people, whether it's now or in the future.
    I think Samantha Maria (from YouTube) also experienced domestic abuse.
    Aleeha xXx
    http://www.halesaaw.com/

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  15. Thank you for sharing your story, I am so sorry you went through that and I am also so happy that you're not in that relationship anymore. I only hope that others who are in the situation you were once in see a way out too. I'll do my best to share this post so the people that need to read it can find it. Lots of love.

    Kiran x
    ALittleKiran | Bloglovin

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  16. You`re so brave for sharing your story and it`s great that you raise awareness on this topic. It`s such a common problem, yet so many women are afraid to speak, because they feel like they deserve it. I have known many cases like this, but unfortunately, until you decide you want out, nobody can help you from the outside. Glad to see you are doing better, keep you head up and focus on the positive!

    http://www.beautynerd.co.uk

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  17. Wow, you're so brave to write a blog post like this. I admire you so much, you're a beautiful and strong woman! Thank you so much for sharing your personal story, I hope this can help a lot of women. I'm so happy that your are back, happier ! Have a beautiful day xxxxx

    aishettina.blogspot.it

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  18. I'm so happy for you!! You have come so far and you realized your worth <3 it really is crazy to think how you can be so sure of something for so long but once you're put in a certain situation you lose sight of some of those things. This is a great post because you allowed yourself to be vulnerable enough to hopefully help someone else dealing with what you went through <3 you are so brave! And I'm glad that you were able to be strong for yourself <3

    http://crystallizeddaisies.blogspot.com/?m=1

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  19. What a brave post. I think its so important to cover topics like this and raise awareness for it!

    Darriyan xo
    www.darriyancateland.co.uk

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  20. Oh Meme, I'm so sorry you even had to write this post! This should never have happened to you but you have been so brave and I applaud you for speaking out. It really will help others who may be a similar situation to you. I'm so pleased your in a much better place now, you go girl!

    Musings & More

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  21. I'm so sorry you went through this. You are a strong and beautiful woman.

    http://hungrycaramella.blogspot.it/

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  22. Oh Meme! This made me so upset to read!! You're an incredibly strong woman and I'm so proud of you for getting out of that relationship! xx So happy you're feeling better!

    Renee | Life After Lux

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  23. Meme!! I'm so sorry to hear about this, but so proud of you for sharing your story. You're very strong for going through this, i'm so very happy that you're feeling better and in a good place! x

    * Electric Sunrise - Fashion and Lifestyle Blog *

    x

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  24. Well done for being strong enough to leave and for being brave enough to speak out. You are inspirational!
    xoxo
    http://gingersnaphattie.blogspot.co.uk

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  26. Posts like this are so important, you've shown true courage to write it and raise awareness of an incredibly detrimental issue. I'm aware that the law has recently changed regarding emotional abuse which is certainly a step in the right direction, but it's awful there is still a stigma attached to being 'overdramatic' and 'crazy' when accusing a partner of this that it deters women from speaking out, when really it is the abuser who is weak. I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you and so glad to hear you're now happy and healthy - you deserve so much better <3

    //teandtwosugars.blogspot.com xx

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  27. I'm so happy you got away from that relationship.

    ~ Jasmin N
    littlethingswithjassy.blogspot.fi

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  28. you are so brave for writing this post as I imagine this was a hard one to write for you so well done and I'm so so happy that you got away from that relationship as nobody deserves that! :) x

    millieerosee.blogspot.com/

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  29. I'm so sorry that this had to happen to you. Wishing you all the best <3
    Nati
    www.simplyartdicted.com

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  30. so sorry it happened to you , glad you get out of it! i dated once a guy (like 10 years ago) for like a month and he was already jealous , abusive etc. with me when we obviously were just starting dating when I noticed this I dumped him .

    http://allornothing-blog.blogspot.co.uk/

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  31. Wow this post is powerful and intense. Sincerely I am super happy to see that you be enough strong and I thing this never was your fault. Even If you begged for him back that was either your fault. Him was the problem and I feel happy to see how you improved your life without him. I never experiemented by myself dosmetic abuse but I´ve been pretty close to girls that suffered dosmetic abuse and wow is hard.

    Recently I read a book from Colleen Hoover It Ends with Us. And is super inspiring.

    Thanks for share your story with us

    www.sakuranko.com

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  32. <3

    Thank you for sharing you story. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been reliving this all through words. It's terribly sad that in this day and age there is still so much hate and violence, especially towards women. You'd think that after centuries of crap we, as humans would learn and grow from the mistakes of our ancestors. I'm so happy you found the strength to leave him. You did not deserve such nonsense and I hope for only amazing things for you from this point on.

    Sxx
    www.daringcoco.com

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  33. FIRST OF ALL YOUR BLOG ITS SO GREAT AND GOOD POST THANKS FOR THIS SHARE IT HAVE A NICE DAY

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  35. Thank you for sharing your story Dear. And i'm sorry for what happened. But also proud of your courage and glad you found the strength to leave that man and move ahead in life- and worked towards finding a better you. That's what we women deserve- respect and a respectful life to live in dignity and pride. We are no less than men.

    I'm waiting for your next inspiring post. Sorry for visiting you after a long time...
    Kisses and Hugs,
    Epsita | www.thepositivewindow.com

    New Post On The Blog...Do Visit soon!

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  36. Wow you were so brave to upload this post! I loved reading it and I hope it helps loads of women out there! And even men who are in abusive relationships! Xx

    http://louiselovesbeauty.blogspot.co.uk/

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  38. wooow!! It's good you did the best thing for yourself and let him go.
    It could have costed your life. It's healing time now. But glad to hear you've got your smile back.
    Following you on GFC
    Would love a follow back :)
    Winnie xxx
    My blog: itsjustwinnie.blogspot.co.uk
    Instagram: @itsjustwinnie1

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  39. We all have our own demons to fight. I'm very glad that you are able to stand and fight against this. You are so strong and brave and I could imagine how hard this is for you to share. Keep your head up and stay strong.

    Joyce | Joycentricity

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  40. Great article, love your sharing so much, thank you!

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  41. So glad you're out and safe. I was in a similar situation in my early 20's and it took me 2.5 years to get out. Thanks for sharing your story as I am 100% sure it has the power to help someone. Thanks for having the courage to share it with the world.

    xx,
    Tania
    http://inspiremyfancy.blogspot.com/

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  42. very inspiring post, and im glad to hear that you are in a better place. I volunteer for a charity that deals with domestic violence and its so good that you are creating awareness for bloggers too! all the best

    keelie xo
    www.keelieskloset.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete

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